i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to cum in my sink.
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