you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
