What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
