Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
