You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
