hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
