i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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