I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
