The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
