How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
