She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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