I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
