I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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