if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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