We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize