I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you would pick up someone in the library
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
