My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
