i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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