They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
