..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
