I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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