i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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