I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
ugly people sure do ruin things
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
