My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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