she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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