I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize