to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
