i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
