i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
