two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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