3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
