I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
