Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
