He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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