dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
