i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
