Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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