you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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