rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
