I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
