you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize