Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize