when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
