worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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