When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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