She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
