the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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