So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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