I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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