Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize