We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
