And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
