All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
