I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
