dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
