naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
