Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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