My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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