You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
