One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
