I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
