wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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