I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
