He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
