Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
