I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
