After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
