Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
