a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize