with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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