I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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