the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just google imaged poop.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
