imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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