Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
