my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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