friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
