It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize