1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
MIDGETS
????
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
