You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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