He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
