Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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