How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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