her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
accomplished twins. life is a go
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
