Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
