That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
