Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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