it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
