i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
