Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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