I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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