he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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