i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
