My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
