i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
