I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
