found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
