dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
