exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
