I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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