You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
