GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
